Wednesday, October 26, 2011

it's coming on Halloween, so let's talk about something scary:

drawing. Drawing is scary. Give me anything else, please. Give me glue and paper and wire and fluffy stuff. Please don't ask me to draw, it's just too scary. Why is it scary? I think because I lack control, and once a mark is made, it feels so permanent. When I took drawing at university, I would have to 'lose the fear' every session. So why am I now doing this willingly? I think it's for the same reason I've been reading so much. (Aside from the fact that as an expat, I have a lot of time on my hands and I need 'normal' things to do.) It's a weird post-university thing. I spent so much time reading and competing and doing things because I had to. Then when it was all over I needed a break. I slept a lot, visited my family, played with kids, and worked at 2 jobs that I really liked, which were creative but not intense. Fast forward 2 years and I'm working at a job I enjoy, but which is strange with no options for advancement. Without that chance, it's sort of like I have nothing to work toward. There's no competition. Is that weird? My job is to do a good job everyday, and that's pretty much it. So I needed a challenge. I need to do something scary. Reading isn't scary, but drawing, drawing is horrifying.

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